1. Injury, after injury, after injury leads to little John Lickliter starting for Iowa as a point guard. I know he's just on the team to learn how to coach someday, but it scares me to think about him on the floor. Did they have to make a special "tiny" jersey for him? Hopefully dad doesn't get booted cause he'll be leaving Iowa's bench too.
2. The team performs to SUCH low standards that Carver-Hawkeye Arena is torn down, leaving the women's basketball and volleyball, men's basketball, and wrestling programs (among others) without a home. The recently implemented plasma TVs will become loot, and B.J. Armstrong will erase his stint at Iowa from the history books.
3. The university actually becomes aware of John Lickliter's evil, identical twin, Nhoj Lickliter, who is 3'8", plays power forward, and stole the last team scholarship. Little does Iowa know that there was an amazing 5-star recruit coming in but the scholarship he was promised disappeared. Hmm....
4. Iowa loses not only to Drake, Iowa State, AND UNI...but goes 0-for in Big Ten Conference play, not scoring more than 36 points in a single game.
5. The team's play is so awful that Kachine Alexander is asked to be a starter on the men's team. The hoop will be lowered for the Hawks to a level at which John and Nohj Lickliter can both pull off a slamma-lamma-ding-dong windmill/tomahawk dunk in mid flight of a double front flip. Each basket Iowa scores will count as 5 points, scoring in double figures will be known as the new "tripple-double," and Carver-Hawkeye will actually turn into a Slam Ball Arena. The new roster for Big Ten Slam Ball will consist of every ex-Iowa football player convicted of a crime. The Hawkeyes take home the first ever Big Ten Slam Ball Championship. Boo-Yah!
* Photo from Hawkeyesports.com
2. The team performs to SUCH low standards that Carver-Hawkeye Arena is torn down, leaving the women's basketball and volleyball, men's basketball, and wrestling programs (among others) without a home. The recently implemented plasma TVs will become loot, and B.J. Armstrong will erase his stint at Iowa from the history books.
3. The university actually becomes aware of John Lickliter's evil, identical twin, Nhoj Lickliter, who is 3'8", plays power forward, and stole the last team scholarship. Little does Iowa know that there was an amazing 5-star recruit coming in but the scholarship he was promised disappeared. Hmm....
4. Iowa loses not only to Drake, Iowa State, AND UNI...but goes 0-for in Big Ten Conference play, not scoring more than 36 points in a single game.
5. The team's play is so awful that Kachine Alexander is asked to be a starter on the men's team. The hoop will be lowered for the Hawks to a level at which John and Nohj Lickliter can both pull off a slamma-lamma-ding-dong windmill/tomahawk dunk in mid flight of a double front flip. Each basket Iowa scores will count as 5 points, scoring in double figures will be known as the new "tripple-double," and Carver-Hawkeye will actually turn into a Slam Ball Arena. The new roster for Big Ten Slam Ball will consist of every ex-Iowa football player convicted of a crime. The Hawkeyes take home the first ever Big Ten Slam Ball Championship. Boo-Yah!
* Photo from Hawkeyesports.com
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